LOCALIZING MY PAIN

I love life and sometimes it's just too much

I'm not being negative

I just need to say fuck

I'm in here now

The guy behind me is humming

One square inch

Can I have one square inch to call my own

I observe myself eating my fingers

Chewing my cuticles

Don't let that stop you, keep going

Need pain to feel

Shell so thick around me

Nothing gets through

No ordinary soft feelings

Like love or joy or the sunset

Localizing my pain helps

I think it's funny and that's another lie

Don't have time to eavesdrop on your world

It is hilarious that you think I do

I saw a movie last night

The guy reminded me of you

The shame I had over loving you

Must still be with me

You came to mind

I don't miss you don't want you

Just need to make myself feel bad

I think I'll rip away at my cuticles

For awhile instead

Localizing my pain helps

Sometimes my pain looks like you

Sometimes it looks like a bloody hand

Dangling from my arm

All the same old, rooted in my gut pain

All you did was interfere, get in my way

Interrupt my self hatred

And wear it like a princely robe with powers

to destroy or grant reprieves

Without my pain you were nothing

Do you feel your powers start to slide away

Slower, fast, faster, rapidly declining

Hanging on by a thin bare thread

Now the tiniest of microscopic filaments

That's right

Relish this final moment

For you are about

To Disappear.