The Bomb

I wonder what it takes to go back out that door
Comfortable nightmares seem tame after living in reality
I hear the sounds of cars speeding past me
And know it's my mind racing away away from the truth

That master of decit, my mind.
It chooses at will the visions which support my ego's plans
I feel trapped in a body, held prisoner by them both
Neither of which has shape or form.

They push me around, fueled by thoughts of fear
Felt only by something or someone perilously close to self-destruction
To what length would you go to stay alive?
To that extent and further yet will my mind and ego fight.

War's destruction all around us
But the battlefield of my mind
Rages with terror.

As I walk down the street
I am certain people hear
The bombs going off inside
And with each explosion
My head jerks imperceptibly.

My soul, the part of me held captive
Silently Screams
The "why" questions I promised never again to ask
Come thrashing out
And with every question asked
Comes no response.

I feel a drop of sweat running down my face
Confusion and chaos ignite within me
A gasp for air shrieks out of my lungs
And now I know
The drops of sweat are really tears
Tears for the sadness I feel
Tears for my fear of never escaping
The bondage I am in

All wrapped up in one
I am sinner, convict, judge, and jury.
The battle between good and evil
Commander of the warring factions
And yet a prisoner of the war

I feel I am everything and nothing
Between my allness and my nothingness
I wait to disintegrate